Something Was Not Right… Part 1

My life started when I broke my phone – A little dramatic? Yes, some may say however this is exactly how I felt when I was left without my phone for 72 hours! Okay, I know a lot of people will think, it’s just a phone? It’s not that deep but the phone wasn’t the case, it was the social media apps on my phone that I was forever switching between, whether I was just browsing the internet googling random things or scrolling down my Instagram feed liking a dozen pictures, pictures that people uploaded to put out an image of themselves or portray how they live their lives – and this was the ultimate ‘murdering weapon’. Again, over dramatic? I think not!

The story begins about a month ago when I had an uneasy feeling, you know the ones where you just know something is just not right? like something is missing and you just can’t put your finger on it? Or you’ve lost something but you forgot what you’ve lost – Yes I can actually get this deep sometimes LOL.

If you know me you will know I don’t like to just do ‘anything’, I have to always be doing something whether that is studying, blogging or even working, something to keep me sane and keep me moving forward, I really felt like when I started blogging I had found something I LOVE doing and it was fun, sharing my thoughts and opinions online with like minded people, trying and testing new things, it was AMAZING. But a couple of weeks ago I was ‘done’ with blogging, sick of Instagram, and felt like I was losing touch with what I once loved and questioned what will I be doing next? was blogging just a phase? Am I ‘over’ it? as some people say. Even working for The Body Shop, another thing I really loved when I first started out, was slowly boring me, I was getting tired of keeping up, my goals I made months ago began to look like pointless things I desired and will never achieve – and it did make me feel like a failure – AGAIN, lol another thing you will know if you know me personally is I have tried and failed in a lot of things in life – don’t get me wrong I’m  not playing the sad little victim, I’m proud of my failures that got me here, where I am today, at least I can’t say I never tried it right?

Okay so back to where I was, social media was putting me off day by day, I made a new account, follow if you’re not already @beautybyaneesa. Now something I know a lot of bloggers will not admit but we’re all guilty of doing at some point was getting a little desperate for ‘likes’ and ‘followers’ I actually thought I was NOT one of those people that gave a shit but in reality I actually was, and THIS is where it all went wrong because when I first started blogging I didn’t care about followers it was all about reviewing makeup, something I loved and wore almost every day and thought why not share this with people, it was so much fun, I met some AMAZING people, some who have become basically sisters I never thought I would have 😀 but then Instagram started to become a competition and there were loads of bloggers wanting to share their pages and then it all became about how many ‘LIKES’ we could get, and then my thoughts would always go to ‘oh that’s ugly I can’t share that‘ or ‘my face/eye/nose/lips look weird I can’t share that‘ or ‘rubbish lighting/rubbish quality/needs more hashtags/need to tag the world in this one‘ and I slowly became a what you would call a ‘people pleaser’ there was none of ME left on my page, it was all about getting more followers and likes and then I guess the obsession can only last a while before you get sick of it and realise you’ve lost all the passion you once had and it’s now been taken over by a NEW you who isn’t really you but an internet version of you?

Then there was the ILLUSION! Other peoples Instagrams were what you would call ‘LIT’, amazing feed and beautifully photographed scenes of holidays and family day outs, new house/car/pet/baby or perfect swatches that got 1000s of likes and that is when I began to compare my (what I called) SHIT page to other pages, another BIG mistake – we all do it, before I get people giving me any crap, you know you do it, you won’t admit it but YOU DO IT! and that is NOT how it works and I knew this when I first started I looked at these other pages and it inspired me and now it just made my page look shit – So fast forward to last week when I broke my phone, for the first hour I literally sat there with my phone in one hand and my fingers typing away on the laptop with the other asking the oh so great ‘google’ Will I ever get my photos off this phone? and I remember feeling so upset, not because my phone broke coz that can be replaced but because the thousands of pictures I might be losing and haven’t backed up anywhere – (Quick update I got my pictures back! LOL or I wouldn’t be writing this post I would be crying somewhere in the corner of the house LMAO- phones can be replaced but the memories pictures hold can NEVER be replaced!!).

 

I had to split this story because it got way too long part 2 will be uploaded SOON!

Thank you for reading, I know this is something different to what I normally write about but I like changes, let me know what you think !!

Aneesa

x o x

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