Something Was Not Right … Part 2

Okay, so I had to split the post into two it was getting WAY too long! If you made it to part two and you’re still reading then know, You’re loyal, I love you, I appreciate you – ‘DJ Khaled moment, if you don’t have them what are you even doing with your life!’

So the next day I woke up and had a sense of relief as if something good is happening, I had no stress on my mind and I didn’t really have to chase anyone up for anything because – I couldn’t I had no phone? it was eid so I just drove to mums, no one bashing my phone asking where I am if I could do them a favor, how long I am going to be and it was AWESOME! Yeah, I couldn’t connect my phone to the car so I had to listen to old music from years ago but it was alright, there were some wicked songs that brought back memories which I loved! So the rest of the day went by and I realised how much of LIFE I actually was missing out on while my head was buried in my phone 90% of the day, I was having long conversations with the kids – which everyone with kids will know how interesting this can be! We were doing things I wouldn’t usually do because I was ‘busy‘, doing what exactly? watching other peoples Snapchat stories, while they’re ACTUALLY out with their families while I’m sat at home in my PJs ordering in a takeaway?- not that there is anything wrong with doing that, sometimes we all need a break from the day to day graft! Okay on to that evening I put the kids to bed as usual watched a bit of TV, pulled out the kids Ipad and downloaded Instagram and it was so annoying to use on there, which when I think back now was actually a good thing, so I used it to message my closest people and went up to bed, I was finding it so weird because usualy what I do is jump into bed, on the phone, switching between Instagram, Snapchat, youtube, facebook, maybe 2 or 3 times, talking on whatsapp till my eyes can not stay open then, going to sleep! So as I went up I was like ‘what the hell am I going to do, my husband was working late so no one to physically talk to either, but when I got into bed I just lay there like WOW, no one is going to bother me today, I was half over the fact I couldn’t access my social media acounts so I went to sleep, and slept like a baby!!

DAY 2

The following day I was actually a much happier person I was ME, and for a very long time I have not felt like ME, I was buzzing around the house doing the house work, NOT screaming at the kids who are ‘doing my head in’ as I would have said if I was buried into my phone like the world is on my shoulders or something, I had a clearer head I was so content and happy with myself and life in general and it wasn’t like I had won the lottery or something HUGE had happened, I literally just didn’t have a phone! It was so refreshing. After the house work was done the kids were changed and fed I sat with my tea as the kids played upstairs and it HIT ME, this is going to sound REALLY sad but it is the ACTUAL truth, I had NO LIFE, literally my so called ‘FRIENDS’ whatsapped me, we hardly ever see each other, what happened to, lets go out and do *INSERT ANY ACTIVITY* today?, we lost contact and didn’t stay in touch how I thought we did, I USED to blog, my last post was ages ago and it’s probably half hearted and forced because I felt the NEED to post, then I started wondering when was the last time I saw so n so, or whens the last time we went out to eat with the kids, whens the last time we had fun without HAVING to post it on Instagram or Snapchat painting myself a FUN filled – ‘oh we’re so fun we ate an ice cream‘ life? Seriously was it that deep? was I REALLY that sucked in that I HAD to post shit ALLLLL the time to get likes and follows ??? At that moment my whole PERSPECTIVE of MY life changed, what the hell have I become? I have an internet life and no REAL life? I have 100s of friends online but who’s going to really care if one day I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to just go out an ‘chill’ with (this doesn’t mean I have no real friends LOL my friends know who they are and I love you all lol) – It’s just a bigger picture of what has been going on for the last few months and WHY I had that un easy feeling, and knew that something was just NOT RIGHT!

DAY 3

My phone was due back on Monday and when my husband told me it’s not ready I was relieved I didn’t want it back, I liked this New/Old me, I was genuinely happy and wanted to go out, ME, YES ME, I WANTED to go out, see people do things, I am not an outside kind of person and I now know it was all down to me getting comfortable with this life I have online and used it to label myself as an anti-social person, hell no! If you knew me 6 years ago you would know that I spoke to EVERYONE, I was the opposite to anti social, I was confident and fun to be around, over the years I closed myself up, and dealt with a couple of issues and this is what I had become! The fact that reality hit me so hard and woke me up goes to show I really was heading in NO direction, I had SO much more time to collect my thoughts and really put things into perspective, I started blogging as a hobby and something FUN to do as I was at home most the time and left uni because I was pregnant, I don’t regret my decision then I only feel sad that I got lost in the whole blogging world and became a people pleaser, I genuinely started to worry if I spoke the truth about a certain something I didn’t like it will  make me look like a shady person or that people will think I’m a b**ch. Even my family around me noticed the happy me without a phone, I low key believe my mum cursed my phone the night it broke because I spent Eid day looking like a tramp sat at my mums house scrolling down Instagram liking everyones Eid selfies LOL!!!

The third day was the best I was not fussed about my phone I was out with the kids, shopping, having fun and being me, don’t get me wrong I did want to snap the food I was eating LMAO, coz if you didn’t snap it did you REALLY eat it? 😀 ,  Since getting my phone back I have been vaguely using it, I want to keep the ‘happy’ me feeling and found that social media is SCARILY very addicting!! I also started to leave my phone downstairs rather than taking it up with me at night, I love that I’m getting my sleep in and waking up without a head ache or feeling grumpy!

All in all breaking my phone was a blessing in disguise so thank you to the person who made me mad which resulted in me smashing my phone! I’m taking a step back in life and will be reminding myself why I started blogging, why I am sharing things with my followers who are few but some of the nicest people I have ever met, I didn’t care about followers back then so I shouldn’t have to care about them now,  I started this for me, not them. I have come out of this short ordeal with a massive lesson and really wanted to share this with you guys only because it really is important to step away from social media and take in life, the real things around you whether you agree with me or not I know deep down we all get a little obsessive over our Instagram likes and Twitter followers, if you don’t agree then your just in denial….why lie? (LOL If you know, you know).

That is it, for now guys, that was my little story I really wanted to share it with you guys, we’re all guilty of getting sucked into the whole Instagram thing, and we all need to realise, it’s all a fraction of peoples lives, maybe a 0.001% of their day, so don’t let it make you think/feel like anyone is any better than you are, they probably just have a better camera. LOL (That goes for me my camera is SHIT, I apologise to all the lovely people who still watch my blurry Insta stories!!)

Till next time…

Aneesa

xox

Something Was Not Right… Part 1

My life started when I broke my phone – A little dramatic? Yes, some may say however this is exactly how I felt when I was left without my phone for 72 hours! Okay, I know a lot of people will think, it’s just a phone? It’s not that deep but the phone wasn’t the case, it was the social media apps on my phone that I was forever switching between, whether I was just browsing the internet googling random things or scrolling down my Instagram feed liking a dozen pictures, pictures that people uploaded to put out an image of themselves or portray how they live their lives – and this was the ultimate ‘murdering weapon’. Again, over dramatic? I think not!

The story begins about a month ago when I had an uneasy feeling, you know the ones where you just know something is just not right? like something is missing and you just can’t put your finger on it? Or you’ve lost something but you forgot what you’ve lost – Yes I can actually get this deep sometimes LOL.

If you know me you will know I don’t like to just do ‘anything’, I have to always be doing something whether that is studying, blogging or even working, something to keep me sane and keep me moving forward, I really felt like when I started blogging I had found something I LOVE doing and it was fun, sharing my thoughts and opinions online with like minded people, trying and testing new things, it was AMAZING. But a couple of weeks ago I was ‘done’ with blogging, sick of Instagram, and felt like I was losing touch with what I once loved and questioned what will I be doing next? was blogging just a phase? Am I ‘over’ it? as some people say. Even working for The Body Shop, another thing I really loved when I first started out, was slowly boring me, I was getting tired of keeping up, my goals I made months ago began to look like pointless things I desired and will never achieve – and it did make me feel like a failure – AGAIN, lol another thing you will know if you know me personally is I have tried and failed in a lot of things in life – don’t get me wrong I’m  not playing the sad little victim, I’m proud of my failures that got me here, where I am today, at least I can’t say I never tried it right?

Okay so back to where I was, social media was putting me off day by day, I made a new account, follow if you’re not already @beautybyaneesa. Now something I know a lot of bloggers will not admit but we’re all guilty of doing at some point was getting a little desperate for ‘likes’ and ‘followers’ I actually thought I was NOT one of those people that gave a shit but in reality I actually was, and THIS is where it all went wrong because when I first started blogging I didn’t care about followers it was all about reviewing makeup, something I loved and wore almost every day and thought why not share this with people, it was so much fun, I met some AMAZING people, some who have become basically sisters I never thought I would have 😀 but then Instagram started to become a competition and there were loads of bloggers wanting to share their pages and then it all became about how many ‘LIKES’ we could get, and then my thoughts would always go to ‘oh that’s ugly I can’t share that‘ or ‘my face/eye/nose/lips look weird I can’t share that‘ or ‘rubbish lighting/rubbish quality/needs more hashtags/need to tag the world in this one‘ and I slowly became a what you would call a ‘people pleaser’ there was none of ME left on my page, it was all about getting more followers and likes and then I guess the obsession can only last a while before you get sick of it and realise you’ve lost all the passion you once had and it’s now been taken over by a NEW you who isn’t really you but an internet version of you?

Then there was the ILLUSION! Other peoples Instagrams were what you would call ‘LIT’, amazing feed and beautifully photographed scenes of holidays and family day outs, new house/car/pet/baby or perfect swatches that got 1000s of likes and that is when I began to compare my (what I called) SHIT page to other pages, another BIG mistake – we all do it, before I get people giving me any crap, you know you do it, you won’t admit it but YOU DO IT! and that is NOT how it works and I knew this when I first started I looked at these other pages and it inspired me and now it just made my page look shit – So fast forward to last week when I broke my phone, for the first hour I literally sat there with my phone in one hand and my fingers typing away on the laptop with the other asking the oh so great ‘google’ Will I ever get my photos off this phone? and I remember feeling so upset, not because my phone broke coz that can be replaced but because the thousands of pictures I might be losing and haven’t backed up anywhere – (Quick update I got my pictures back! LOL or I wouldn’t be writing this post I would be crying somewhere in the corner of the house LMAO- phones can be replaced but the memories pictures hold can NEVER be replaced!!).

 

I had to split this story because it got way too long part 2 will be uploaded SOON!

Thank you for reading, I know this is something different to what I normally write about but I like changes, let me know what you think !!

Aneesa

x o x